social justice warrior

Tacos Aren’t Cultural Appropriation, They’re Delicious

1348391186-slut-walk-london-2012-march-in-london_1471192That depends, are you delicious?

Are tacos hate crimes? No wait, come back. Tacos are a pretty great way to get your salt/fat/meat daily allowance while celebrating a proud culture who’s chief exports are cocaine and decapitation. But these days, tacos are a lot more than a tasty treat. They’re merely another example of cultural appropriation in action.

check-your-privilegePrivilege Check: Still White

Cultural appropriation is a very serious instance of people (usually white) over-stepping their boundaries by partaking in a culture that is not their own. Everyone knows white people have no culture, save for Katherine Heigl movies and steaming vegetables to mush. However, we just love other cultural offerings, such as the aforementioned delicious tacos. So if your mom insists on having a taco night, tell her she is a shitlord, like so:

Shitlord Mom: Who’s up for tacos!!!

Pie-Gendered Walrus-Kin: I’m offended by what you said.

Shitlord Mom: But Zoe, you love tacos –


Of course, another aspect of cultural appropriation that is less discussed is the white-liberal tendency to become offended on behalf of minorities. This is a great way to indulge in some righteous indignation when you have no horse (kin) in the race. You see this most often on Facebook, the bastion of armchair social justice warriors everywhere.

Palm oil aritcle banner 2I provide hummus to fat vegans

What happened to experiencing new cultures to learn more about things of which you are unaware? I’m not talking about Miley Cyrus walking around with a pimp step or Madonna calling her son the n-word on Instagram. I mean eating a goddamn taco every now and again, or watching a foreign movie, or reading up on a culture half-way around the world. These used to be things intelligent people did to be better informed about things they couldn’t experience first-hand. Now they are considered hate-crimes. Please plan dinner accordingly.



I genuinely treasure the little things in life. Seeing my rivals grow old and fat. Finding gum in the bottom of my purse. Aging backwards. But getting quoted by the queen of social justice herself? Well, I just might buy a cake.

“It happens every other month like clockwork: Immediately after I post the fundraising reminder, my inbox lights up with messages from conservatives telling me to “get a job.” “If you want money so bad,” goes one (typical) email I received earlier this week, “get a job like everyone else.” This is my job.”

Shakesville: Get a Job

LOL, guys I’m a conservative now. She conveniently left out the part about her husband making $100,000 a year.